Appreciation

Thanks for the meaniful Sunday and I know is not good to keep you all worried about me. I am ok and I will be fine very soon.

Thanks

The day has come

The day has come. It has been eneded with a lot of "why". But please forgive me for not doing anymore clarification. I am sad though I am the one who make the decision.


It was a precious memory that I have to be with her since 1998. A lot of my friends feel that it was not worth to give up. For me, i do admit, but you know, something in this world are totally out of your control.


I still can feel the warm of her tears when it dropped on my face. I will never forget every single moment that we have been together. The happy moment, the hard time as well as the sweet time are all unforgotten.


Stay cool dear, you should have a britghter future without my constraint. I understand your feeling as I am also suffering it. But, I think there are much more things that we can do for our own and for our family. I am glad that you've put your trust on me. Do live happier, stronger than ever. I know you can do so.

What a day..

What a day. Wake up 6 sth in the morning and reach office arr 7 sth.

Listening to the song from Emi Fujita, album , her voice remind me the sadness of her last night.

I know it must be a pain and dissapointment when the words coming out from my mouth. And, I know clearly that she is the one that I love the most till now. But, it is so ridiculous that i left the one who I love the most in sadness and tears over her face.

I think things have changed through out the years and indeed, I still not able to accept it. When I was in Pangkor last weekend, my friend asked me in the game of "Truth or Dare", "Have you ever thought to be with her for your rest of your life." After a short consideration, "Yes" is the one. Yes, I have to admited that she is the one that I ever thought to be with her for my rest of life. However, my thought has changed especially in this year. I found myself is not able to face the future, I have lost all the confidence with it, I lost everything. And the sad thing is, I am not able to handle the relationship that tie to me. That is why I need to leave. You may say that I am only make excuse to myself and try to escape from the reality. But what can I do? After stripping away the strong shell outer, what I have is only a weak soul with no goal and no confidence.

I feel so sad and so sorry to her. And, I really need some times to myself. I know is a bit selfish, but without doing this, I really don't have the courage to continue my path

Hmm... 8 sth.... in the morning

The song has turned to Desperado, a song from Eagles, but what I am listening now is sang by Emi Fujita. She has added more loneliness and sadness into the song. Suit my feeling

Desperado, why dont you come to your senses?
You been out ridin fences for so long now
Oh, youre a hard one
I know that you got your reasons
These things that are pleasin you
Can hurt you somehow

Don you draw the queen of diamonds, boy
Shell beat you if shes able
You know the queen of heats is always your best bet

Now it seems to me, some fine things
Have been laid upon your table
But you only want the ones that you cant get

Desperado, oh, you aint gettin no youger
Your pain and your hunger, theyre drivin you home
And freedom, oh freedom well, thats just some people talkin
Your prison is walking through this world all alone

Dont your feet get cold in the winter time?
The sky wont snow and the sun wont shine
Its hard to tell the night time from the day
Youre loosin all your highs and lows
Aint it funny how the feeling goes away?

Desperado, why dont you come to your senses?
Come down from your fences, open the gate
It may be rainin, but theres a rainbow above you
You better let somebody love you, before its too late

Hope she will be fine and happier than ever.

Ended...

Finally, thing has come to the end. I guess this is a naural phenomenon. Whenever there is a begin, there must be an end.



Luckily, everything comes quite peacefully though there are full of sadness and unwillingness. Some of my friends were keep on asking me "WHY?" and I just replied them with a smile. I think this is not a correct timing for story telling and it was not as simple as 1+1=2. It consist of every moment that we spent together through out the years, the family, the lifestyle, the thinking..... and this is not a one day issue.



And... hopefully you guys will understand the condition. My best wish will always to be with her....

What a moody day...

Yes. What a moddy day. Without any smile on my face, without any mood to say anything.


Yes. Easily get angry with nothing, heart is beating extremely fast and I got see nothing in my soul...


What a moody day.


Am i tired? Yes, I am. It is not physically but mentally.


Long for a break, a short break without any annoying things; long for a short vacation, to a city where noone know me.


So, I can calm my mind, I can console my soul, and the restless heart...


Hope i can get myself through....


Good luck!

Agilent Pangkor Explorace

I think this is the first time that I took the initiative to take part in the company function. Erm.... It might be some hidden reason that I will not disclose here...hehehehe :D

Erm, at the day we depart, I only have 3 hour sleep at the night before. Why??? Hahahah, because I went out for a drink with a group of friend till late night... So i got to take the effect of not enough sleep and try to make myself awaken as I am the driver and the team leader for my team... God bless.....hahaha

FI Race Car... Before the race....


When everything is ready, after the briefing form the committee, took the first clue, and without any consideration, we straight to the first point, Juru Toll. However, by the time we turn out from phase 3, we received a phone call...."hey!!! the first point is not Juru toll!!! Please turn back!!!! The first point was at Sport Complex!!!!" WHAT????? without wasting any time, we straight away made a big U turn and back to Agilent!!

When we reached Sport Complex, I saw the committee was laughing on us... So the journey started with a big Joke!!!

After completing the first task, we moved to Juru toll. When we reached there, there were so many confusing faces standing beside the road.... Then I know why the committee was laughing at us as we have the same feeling.

The rules of the game is quite simple and straight forward. There were 2 parts which were the explorace chanllenges and the treasure hunt. For the Explorace challenges, we will get a clue which will direct us to a place to complete some tasks and for the treasure hunt, we need to follow the tulips and solve the given question by finding the correct signboard.

From Tambun to Jawi, from Jawi to Taiping and eneded at Lumut. All the way, we scratched our head, running like crazzy under the ot sun, lost in the highway.... what a great experiance.













During the race....


Finally, we manage to reach the jetty and complete the last challenge before the time ended. And we are so proud as we are the first team to reach the jetty. With a arrogant face, hanging arround at the jetty, laugh at those who came late with a flustered face, discussing how to spend the money for the first and second prize and taking photo here and there...














Tired Face but happy heart :D and with a lovely stationer... hehehe :D


After hanging arround at the jetty, we took the first ferry to Pangkor. Every single one of us were so happy and excited as we "thought" we at least got sth for the competition.













Arrogant face with a sure win heart!!!


Time passed without noticed by the excited heart, we went for the buffet dinner. Frankly, the dinner was not that good and the hotel was not that up to standard. Anyway, the excitment has made us forget all those bad things...

Lastly, the moment has come... Prize giving session. "The fiith runners up goes to....Team XXX" With a big round aplause, we wait for the next announcement.. Te fourth runners up goes to...TeamXXX...the third, the second and the first runners up goes to.... TeamXXXXXXXXX...

and, finally the champions goes to.....TEAM XXXX.... with the big claps, we both team were still sitting at the original place... why???????? we loss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes, we loss the game though we are the first team. Haiz... with the dissapointment, we left the cafe and heading to a shop and got us some beers. I think, the team needs some alcohol to calm down their mind....

After finish all the beers, we went for sleep with a sad and dissapointing heart... What to do???

However, there are still some of the memorable moment for the trip. First, this is the first time we join the treasure hunt and along the way, it was really a good experiance for me especially i passed by some of rural area. The view is so great and it is so adventurous. Second, this is the first time i go to Pangkor. Altough it is not so great if compare to Langkawi island and Perhentian Island, I still enjoy the time there. Third, this is the first time I travel with my colleague and we were so free as most of time, we just made a last minute decision without any planning.















Sunset at Pangkor.... What a beautiful moment and what a sad feeling... ==


So?? What is the coclusion? It is fun! and i think i will take part for the next round and grab the champion home!!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH :D

纪念母亲

4月4日。清明节。请了一天假，为的就是上山拜母亲。



想想妈妈离开了好几年。虽然心里没有像以往般的眷恋，可是想起妈妈，都会有辛酸的感觉。



因此，今年的清明节，就决定为妈妈准备她以往最喜欢的炒面。记得当初她教我的时候，是为了大舅的店里所供奉的天后圣母。每逢月尾，妈妈都会炒了一大盘的素面，在精心的摆设，才肯拿去店里拜拜。



所以，今天一大早，除了上山，就赶去市场买一些所需材料。虽然，身体有点累，可是，在准备的过程中，却觉得很温暖。因为，每一个小步骤，都是凭我的记忆中慢慢组成。而这每一小撮的记忆，都有妈妈的陪伴。所以我不孤单。



终于，经过差不多一小时，把那素面给炒好了，经过摆设在放到妈妈的灵位前。心里默默的跟妈妈说，“妈咪，你喜欢的素面。好想你哦。”