且行且珍惜

今天，同事send 我这首歌曲。我想，有时人与人之间的情感很特别。开始是一种安排，结束也是一种过程。所以，听到这首歌曲真的很多感触。

最近，收到很多的祝福，当然也有很多的“为什么”。我想，很多事情，我不能以三言两语就可以说得明白。再怎么说都好，这都是两个人的事情。因此，真的真的不要再追根究底。在这事情里，没有所谓的对或错。最终，是我选择离开。当然，这有我自己的原因。所幸的是，这得到了她的谅解和信任。这也是这么多年的感情所建立的信任吧。我想她的伤害会更大吧！所以希望大家都能将心比心，留点空间给我们。那天，心里很痛，因为听到一些闲言闲语。也有一些无谓的人加入了一些揣测。当然，我没有权利阻止，也不会过问，可是这些毫无建设的言语，只会加深对她的伤害。

这几天，得到了很多人的陪伴、支持，心里是感激的。我想，在这么困难的日子，关心和支持是极度需要的。我也希望你也能够。加油！至少，现在回忆里的你是美丽的，一切都很美好。

迎著风向前行
我们已经一起走到这里
偶而想起过去
点点滴滴
如春风化做雨
润湿眼底
憎相会爱别离
人生怎可能尽如人意
缘字终难猜透
才进心里却已然离去
没有谁能忘记这真挚情谊
你会祝福我我也会祝福你
且把泪水轻轻拭
去期待再相遇
就算相见无期
在某个夜里你会想起我我也会想起你
默契永存你我心底
情缘系千里
且行且珍借
偶而想起过去
点点滴滴如春风化做雨
润湿眼底憎相会爱别离
人生怎可能尽如人意
缘字终难猜透
才进心里却已然离去
没有谁能忘记这真挚情谊
你会祝福我我也会祝福你
且把泪水轻轻拭去
期待再相遇
就算相见无期
在某个夜里你会想起我我也会想起你
默契永存你我心底
情缘系千里且行且珍借
没有谁能忘记这真挚情谊
你会祝福我我也会祝福你
且把泪水轻轻拭去
期待再相遇就算相见无期
在某个夜里你会想起我我也会想起你
默契永存你我心底
情缘系千里
窗外景物飞逝
机缘轻触匆匆来匆匆去
且行且珍惜
且行且珍惜
且行且珍惜

轰轰烈烈？还是苟且偷生？

轰轰烈烈？还是苟且偷生？
轰轰烈烈？还是苟且偷生？
轰轰烈烈？还是苟且偷生？
轰轰烈烈？还是苟且偷生？
轰轰烈烈？还是苟且偷生？
轰轰烈烈？还是苟且偷生？
轰轰烈烈？还是苟且偷生？


我不知道。
只知道现在
感受着窒息的痛苦
敏感时刻...
请不要挑战界限！

The day has come

The day has come. It has been eneded with a lot of "why". But please forgive me for not doing anymore clarification. I am sad though I am the one who make the decision.


It was a precious memory that I have to be with her since 1998. A lot of my friends feel that it was not worth to give up. For me, i do admit, but you know, something in this world are totally out of your control.


I still can feel the warm of her tears when it dropped on my face. I will never forget every single moment that we have been together. The happy moment, the hard time as well as the sweet time are all unforgotten.


Stay cool dear, you should have a britghter future without my constraint. I understand your feeling as I am also suffering it. But, I think there are much more things that we can do for our own and for our family. I am glad that you've put your trust on me. Do live happier, stronger than ever. I know you can do so.

What a day..

What a day. Wake up 6 sth in the morning and reach office arr 7 sth.

Listening to the song from Emi Fujita, album , her voice remind me the sadness of her last night.

I know it must be a pain and dissapointment when the words coming out from my mouth. And, I know clearly that she is the one that I love the most till now. But, it is so ridiculous that i left the one who I love the most in sadness and tears over her face.

I think things have changed through out the years and indeed, I still not able to accept it. When I was in Pangkor last weekend, my friend asked me in the game of "Truth or Dare", "Have you ever thought to be with her for your rest of your life." After a short consideration, "Yes" is the one. Yes, I have to admited that she is the one that I ever thought to be with her for my rest of life. However, my thought has changed especially in this year. I found myself is not able to face the future, I have lost all the confidence with it, I lost everything. And the sad thing is, I am not able to handle the relationship that tie to me. That is why I need to leave. You may say that I am only make excuse to myself and try to escape from the reality. But what can I do? After stripping away the strong shell outer, what I have is only a weak soul with no goal and no confidence.

I feel so sad and so sorry to her. And, I really need some times to myself. I know is a bit selfish, but without doing this, I really don't have the courage to continue my path

Hmm... 8 sth.... in the morning

The song has turned to Desperado, a song from Eagles, but what I am listening now is sang by Emi Fujita. She has added more loneliness and sadness into the song. Suit my feeling

Desperado, why dont you come to your senses?
You been out ridin fences for so long now
Oh, youre a hard one
I know that you got your reasons
These things that are pleasin you
Can hurt you somehow

Don you draw the queen of diamonds, boy
Shell beat you if shes able
You know the queen of heats is always your best bet

Now it seems to me, some fine things
Have been laid upon your table
But you only want the ones that you cant get

Desperado, oh, you aint gettin no youger
Your pain and your hunger, theyre drivin you home
And freedom, oh freedom well, thats just some people talkin
Your prison is walking through this world all alone

Dont your feet get cold in the winter time?
The sky wont snow and the sun wont shine
Its hard to tell the night time from the day
Youre loosin all your highs and lows
Aint it funny how the feeling goes away?

Desperado, why dont you come to your senses?
Come down from your fences, open the gate
It may be rainin, but theres a rainbow above you
You better let somebody love you, before its too late

Hope she will be fine and happier than ever.

Ended...

Finally, thing has come to the end. I guess this is a naural phenomenon. Whenever there is a begin, there must be an end.



Luckily, everything comes quite peacefully though there are full of sadness and unwillingness. Some of my friends were keep on asking me "WHY?" and I just replied them with a smile. I think this is not a correct timing for story telling and it was not as simple as 1+1=2. It consist of every moment that we spent together through out the years, the family, the lifestyle, the thinking..... and this is not a one day issue.



And... hopefully you guys will understand the condition. My best wish will always to be with her....

What a moody day...

Yes. What a moddy day. Without any smile on my face, without any mood to say anything.


Yes. Easily get angry with nothing, heart is beating extremely fast and I got see nothing in my soul...


What a moody day.


Am i tired? Yes, I am. It is not physically but mentally.


Long for a break, a short break without any annoying things; long for a short vacation, to a city where noone know me.


So, I can calm my mind, I can console my soul, and the restless heart...


Hope i can get myself through....


Good luck!

纪念母亲

4月4日。清明节。请了一天假，为的就是上山拜母亲。



想想妈妈离开了好几年。虽然心里没有像以往般的眷恋，可是想起妈妈，都会有辛酸的感觉。



因此，今年的清明节，就决定为妈妈准备她以往最喜欢的炒面。记得当初她教我的时候，是为了大舅的店里所供奉的天后圣母。每逢月尾，妈妈都会炒了一大盘的素面，在精心的摆设，才肯拿去店里拜拜。



所以，今天一大早，除了上山，就赶去市场买一些所需材料。虽然，身体有点累，可是，在准备的过程中，却觉得很温暖。因为，每一个小步骤，都是凭我的记忆中慢慢组成。而这每一小撮的记忆，都有妈妈的陪伴。所以我不孤单。



终于，经过差不多一小时，把那素面给炒好了，经过摆设在放到妈妈的灵位前。心里默默的跟妈妈说，“妈咪，你喜欢的素面。好想你哦。”

枷锁

觉得自己被一层层的枷锁困着

失去了新鲜的空气

牺牲了自己

我没有选择的权利

没有爱的自由

生活的一切

把我层层困着、绑着

我很想冲破

却换来不必要的冲突。

我还能怎样？

只能忍受着

那刺骨的疼

那种紧绷的苦

望着天

期盼明天

明天的天空

会否有自由的鸟儿翱翔？？？

艳阳天。彦阳天

艳阳天。一首属于窦唯的歌曲。也许，没什么人懂这人是谁，可是当讲起他的前妻，王菲，哈，我想大家都会哦的一声吧。

如果说王菲的声音是一种天赋，那我想窦唯在音乐上的造诣也是一种天赋。

彦阳天。取巧的用上窦唯的歌曲。并没有什么特别，只是我得承认，我欣赏窦唯多过王菲。

早晨光照着艳阳天

乌隆隆像是那座翁牵

水蒙含映着沿外的青山

抬头望向天空蓝蓝

对着那分美好的心愿

是在苦涩又在艰难

只盼能到中途又难园

狂风暴雨老天颠连

常人说的是乐生与苦

可乐极生悲倒由自古

别让我不安是非难辩

沧桑牵连不再有遗憾

春天夏天秋天冬天

岁岁年年百年今年

天边地边山边水边

千变万变人变心变

忘记远走我来到你我面前

有什么事会让你留恋

常人说的是乐生与苦

可乐极生悲倒由自主

别让我不安是非难辩

沧桑牵连不再有遗憾

常人说的是乐生与苦

可乐极生悲倒由自古

别让我不安 是非难辩

沧桑牵连不再有遗憾

美丽的歌词。悲凉的感觉。寂寞的意境。

欢迎。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。

独处

时常会观照自己的心情是好还是坏。基本上这几天，我变得很沉默。尤其是跟我很亲密的人。别问我为什么，我只是知道自己不想多谈，故作冷漠。

也开始发现自己开始挥金如土，赚来的钱都不够我花。卡债堆积如山。。。

也忽然觉得自己，开始了荒唐、潦倒的生活。现把自己灌醉，又怕给警察抓。

也因为这样，情愿把自己密封在小小的房间里，不说话，不做作的对着电脑。

也许觉得对着一个死物，还单纯过对待一个人。

爱上Borders 的环境，也爱上了里面的星吧克，更爱上了里面的热饮。。。红茶。。。

也不知道曾几何时自己会要了一杯热饮，也许是有一晚，冷到手脚冰冷的关系吧；也或许心里实在是冷得我需要一些外在的温暖。

落地玻璃给我一种安全感，它让我看到冷雨夜里，脚步匆忙的行人。至少在那一刻，我觉得踏实，觉得受保护。。。

记得在大专写过一首歌曲，也记得那是一个很冷的夜晚。手脚冰冷，连心也是冷的。歌名叫“静”，而歌词大约如下。。。

夜深人静
大地显得如此安宁
此刻的我 只想要一个人 陪我说话
听着我的唠叨 忍受着我 无理地取闹
让我在模糊中 渐渐睡着

天寒地冻
我畏缩在寒冷的角落
此刻的我 只想要一个人 在我身旁
让我靠在她的肩膀 让我握着她温暖地手
让她平伏我 不安地心跳

从不相信
什么是地老天荒
从不相信
什么是地久天长
一生如此爱过
就算最后分离也不难过

我不要花言巧语地爱情
那只是蒙蔽眼睛的游戏
我只想要 依偎在你怀里
让你轻抚我的头发

我不要山盟海誓的爱情
那只是欺骗内心的游戏
我只想要 在我懦弱的时候紧握我双手的人 是你

累了。。。大树倒了。。。。