What a day..

What a day. Wake up 6 sth in the morning and reach office arr 7 sth.

Listening to the song from Emi Fujita, album , her voice remind me the sadness of her last night.

I know it must be a pain and dissapointment when the words coming out from my mouth. And, I know clearly that she is the one that I love the most till now. But, it is so ridiculous that i left the one who I love the most in sadness and tears over her face.

I think things have changed through out the years and indeed, I still not able to accept it. When I was in Pangkor last weekend, my friend asked me in the game of "Truth or Dare", "Have you ever thought to be with her for your rest of your life." After a short consideration, "Yes" is the one. Yes, I have to admited that she is the one that I ever thought to be with her for my rest of life. However, my thought has changed especially in this year. I found myself is not able to face the future, I have lost all the confidence with it, I lost everything. And the sad thing is, I am not able to handle the relationship that tie to me. That is why I need to leave. You may say that I am only make excuse to myself and try to escape from the reality. But what can I do? After stripping away the strong shell outer, what I have is only a weak soul with no goal and no confidence.

I feel so sad and so sorry to her. And, I really need some times to myself. I know is a bit selfish, but without doing this, I really don't have the courage to continue my path

Hmm... 8 sth.... in the morning

The song has turned to Desperado, a song from Eagles, but what I am listening now is sang by Emi Fujita. She has added more loneliness and sadness into the song. Suit my feeling

Desperado, why dont you come to your senses?
You been out ridin fences for so long now
Oh, youre a hard one
I know that you got your reasons
These things that are pleasin you
Can hurt you somehow

Don you draw the queen of diamonds, boy
Shell beat you if shes able
You know the queen of heats is always your best bet

Now it seems to me, some fine things
Have been laid upon your table
But you only want the ones that you cant get

Desperado, oh, you aint gettin no youger
Your pain and your hunger, theyre drivin you home
And freedom, oh freedom well, thats just some people talkin
Your prison is walking through this world all alone

Dont your feet get cold in the winter time?
The sky wont snow and the sun wont shine
Its hard to tell the night time from the day
Youre loosin all your highs and lows
Aint it funny how the feeling goes away?

Desperado, why dont you come to your senses?
Come down from your fences, open the gate
It may be rainin, but theres a rainbow above you
You better let somebody love you, before its too late

Hope she will be fine and happier than ever.